Stop obsessing over someone: Have you ever found yourself trapped in a cycle of relentless thoughts about someone? Maybe it’s an ex who broke your heart or a crush who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. Whatever the case, obsessing over someone can be mentally exhausting and emotionally draining. But fear not, because there are ways to untangle yourself from this mental web and regain your peace of mind, and finally stop obsessing over someone.
Here are some psychology-backed strategies on how to stop obsessing over someone.
Obsession happens when we project our desires onto someone who’s unavailable and over-idealize them. Realistically, you probably know only about 10% of who that person truly is, and then you fill in the rest. It’s that 90% you’re actually obsessed with. You long for someone that doesn’t exist — the idea, the potential, and the fantasy of what could be. Perhaps you don’t even really want them; perhaps you simply want them to want you.
To break free from this illusion, reflect on what underlying needs or insecurities might be driving your obsession. Are you seeking validation, acceptance, or a sense of belonging through your fixation on this person? By gaining insight into the deeper motivations behind your behavior, you can address these needs in healthier ways, like through self-validation, building strong relationships with friends and family, or seeking professional therapy.
Ever caught yourself lost in a whirlwind of thoughts about that special someone, replaying conversations or imagining future scenarios? Mindfulness can be a powerful antidote to obsessive thinking. Take some time each day to practice mindfulness meditation or activities that help you stay present, like painting, journaling, running, dancing, or playing music.
When intrusive thoughts pop up, acknowledge them without judgment and gently guide your attention back to the moment. By grounding yourself in the here and now, you can disentangle from obsessive thoughts and find peace within yourself.
When you’re obsessed with someone, you probably have compulsive behaviors that reinforce the cycle, like stalking them on social media, rereading conversations, and replaying imagined scenarios. Just as you cleanse your body with a detox, it’s essential to detoxify your mind.
Set boundaries: unfollow them on social media, stop bringing them up in conversations, and limit your interactions. Create distance to help you heal and fill your life with better things — learn a new skill, focus on family and friends, or pursue something you’re passionate about.
When we harbor doubts about our worthiness or desirability, we may seek validation and fulfillment externally, fixating on others to fill the void within ourselves. But once we cultivate more love, acceptance, and compassion toward ourselves, we recognize that our worth doesn’t hinge on others’ approval.
Radical self-love is a powerful antidote to obsession, shifting our focus inward. Create a daily self-care routine, practice positive affirmations, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Obsessive thoughts often arise from resisting reality. Practice detachment by letting go of the need to control outcomes or force closure. Accept that you may never get all the answers you desire and focus instead on finding peace within. Embrace uncertainty as a natural part of life and trust your ability to navigate whatever comes your way.
Don’t hesitate to lean on your support system, whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist. Talking to someone can provide valuable insight and perspective. Their support or simply their presence can remind you that you don’t have to overcome this alone. They can be a safe space to explore your feelings and discover healthier ways of relating to others.
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