When we speak of love language, we usually talk about the ones that are most familiar to us; whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. But in the process, we usually neglect the love languages that don’t come easy to us, particularly the one that we disregard.
It turns out that acts of service are much less showy than the more overt expressions of love; like telling someone “I love you” or offering a thoughtful present, but every bit as powerful. They appear in the routine: your partner brewing tea for you without your even having to ask, doing the laundry, or repairing something around the house before you even realize it’s broken. It’s not flashy, but it’s love: practical, consistent, and deeply thoughtful.
The reason that this love language falls through the cracks is easy: it doesn’t always sound romantic. In a society that romanticizes grand gestures and pics-perfect moments, service can seem. mundane. But it’s anything but.
When a person loves by acts of service, what he or she is saying is: I notice your needs, and I wish to facilitate your life. That is a strong type of love: one based on thoughtfulness, commitment, and work.
If you’re not familiar with this love language, you may not even notice it when someone is speaking it to you. Worse, you may assume it’s just routine or duty and not affection. And that’s how relationships break down, when love is being expressed in a language the other is unfamiliar with or doesn’t appreciate.
Because some of what it takes to build solid, long-term relationships; romantic, family, or friend, is learning to see and value love in all its forms, not only the ones you like. It means noticing the unspoken, the un-glamorous, and the quiet displays of care.
Begin to notice those acts of service. Better still, begin performing them. Cook dinner. Do that errand. Assist without being asked.
You might just discover that the love language you’ve been ignoring is the one that speaks the loudest.
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